Hi Emma, two years ago I had my pet dog put to sleep and I’m still finding it hard to get over it, he was 17 and his legs had almost given up, he couldn’t get up on his feet unless I did it for him, he could still walk but not very far and had some bad falls. He had arthritis and also become incontinent with his bowel movements, he was like this for quite a while, I feel guilty as sometimes I found this stressful, I always wanted to do my best for him but feel I failed, and let him down, I wish I had kept him until his legs had given up completely then I know I would have realised that his quality of life had gone, my vet said his legs will go in weeks or months, and also said I shouldn’t feel guilty as most people would have put him down a long time ago. I just keep wishing I could have done things differently, I don’t feel the same person anymore as this is something I’ve never had to do, and please can you give me advice to get through this. Many thanks, Gary.
Gary, my heart goes out to you because I’ve been through very similar and know how incredibly hard it is to deal with. It may not help much but all the guilt you have and all the worrying is totally normal and it’s something as vets we try and help with as much as we can. One of the most important parts of our job is helping people make the decision at the right time and I do believe that’s what your vet and you did.
I would say categorically that you did the right thing not waiting for his legs to go completely. So many people wish their pets would just go in their sleep so that that most dreadful of decisions is taken out of their hands but it is far kinder to end it before it comes to that in cases like yours. It’s very easy to always think, ‘what if’ and you are torturing yourself because you are wondering if you let him go too soon. You didn’t. His legs were very bad by the sound of things and I strongly believe that when their bowel continence goes many dogs find it very distressing because they know they’ve messed where they shouldn’t.
It seems to me that the major problem you have is guilt and this is exactly what I felt when I decided to put my own dog down. Her legs were bad just like your dog but to be honest once it was over I knew we’d let it drag on too long which wasn’t fair on her. Ever since then I’ve tried to make sure my clients don’t make the mistake we did. Your story brings that back and if there is one thing I would say is that you mustn’t feel guilty any more. You did everything you could for him and your vet’s right; you probably gave him more than many people would have. You got him through 17 years which is incredibly old for a dog, you treated him with love and kindness and, most importantly, you gave him a dignified end without suffering and that is what love is all about. Believe me; you couldn’t have been better if you’d done things differently.
My one piece of advice is this; at your lowest ebb re-read what I’ve said because it’s true. You can put your fears and your guilt behind you and concentrate on the memories you have of him in his prime. It’s really hard to start with and it may be a cliché but if you can leave the guilt behind you you will soon find yourself smiling at the memories of your brilliant times instead of dwelling on your decision. You did the right thing.
I hope this helps you at a desperate time, please get back in touch if you need to and if you’d like to you can send us a photo of your boy and we can put it on the website in his memory.
